Read Genesis 27 first.
Our next vignette in the life of Esau takes place in his father’s old age. He has sold off his birthright for a bowl of suit. As we shall see, apparently this has begun to irk him. But he knows he has an ace up his sleeve. He’s Daddy’s favorite.
One thing that we can do as parents to bring harm and destruction in our family is to play favorites. I am not talking about favoring or rewarding because one works hard and the other does not, or one is thoughtful while the other is selfish. I am talking about actively picking out one child and favoring in relationship and reward, come good or bad.
We don’t know if there was any rebuke from Isaac for the transaction, though it was considered binding enough that Isaac does not break it. Now, because Jacob has “grabbed” the family wealth and priesthood from Esau, one might think that if there was a favorite to be played, he ought to have been spending more time with Jacob. After all, Esau spent time in the field hunting anyway.
Nevertheless, Isaac gave special favor to Esau. Its a word that can be used for Divine Love, and is used in Mal 1:2, being the passage Paul uses in Romans 9 when he writes, “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.” Its an interesting switch. God is described as favoring Jacob, but apparently Isaac does not listen. He picks and plays favorites with his sons, even the one who despised his birthright, and then went and married two of the local Canaanite girls (Genesis 26:34-35), and they were described as a “grief to Isaac.” His son needs correction, instruction and guidance, and not indulgence. Yet, because of his favor, he can’t bring himself to do so. Is he, perhaps, living through his son a freedom that he was denied as the son of a wealthy sheik?
I guess we can see more reasons why Esau turns out the way he does. Indulging a child is never a pathway to a solid lasting relationship with a child. I have seen it for myself when people spoil their children and protect them from the consequences of their actions. They grow up with few virtues and many vices; lazy children who are endlessly dependent, yet thankless.
In any case, Esau knows he’s the favorite. He bides his time, knowing that his father will eventually sicken. Then he expects to secure the special blessing that his father, as family priest will bestow.
This blessing was believed to have special powers to bring good things into the lives of those it was bestowed upon. As oldest and favorite, he expects it. And then who cares about any old birthright…after all he is father’s favorite, and a special blessing of success will follow him wherever he goes.
But not so fast.
We have forgotten Rebekah, who has also been playing favorites. Her favorite is Jacob, and so she seeks to “grab” the special blessing for the one she delights in.
As you can read in Genesis 27, this is one trick even Jacob fears to play. Only when his mother is willing to take the blame on herself is he willing to go forward with the plan.
The disguise is made, and Isaac is fooled.He gives a special blessing to Jacob. Shortly thereafter the ruse is discovered, and Esau burns with anger.
We must ask ourselves, as Isaac and Esau ought to have: why be angry when you were not promised the birthright and the blessing to begin with? They already had the oracle spoken of the two boys before they were born. Why be surprised. Many times, anger comes from us when our goals are blocked. We develop plans, pursue goals with purpose and then find ourselves, at times, denied what we wanted. The result is often anger and rage! Ever been there? Something as simple as being denied a slot in heavy traffic, to seeing a retirement fund disintegrate in a bad market can cause anger that even can be murderous at times.
That’s exactly how Esau felt. He was enraged that he had been denied everything. And of course, he assigned the object of his rage as his brother. Never mind that he had willingly traded his birthright (which had begun to gall him, 27:36; maybe because of the regular reminder by the nickname of Edom); never mind that taking the blessing was Mother’s idea. Never mind that God had said these things would belong to Jacob.
When we get angry, we need to take a look at the situation that created that anger. Were we blocked from achieving a goal? Where we denied the fulfillment of a purpose? What about God’s view of these things?
Just today, I heard a pastor confess that he got mad at someone whom he loaned money to, only to have the friend renege on his repayment. The pastor got angry. But then, he heard from God, who let him know that he ought not to be mad: God had told him to GIVE the money to the friend in the first place. “So why be mad for something which you did not follow my will anyway.”
When we are angry, indeed even in a rage, we need to take stock: why am I so mad? Is this really God’s plan? If its’ God’s will, isn’t he big enough to handle this present blocking situation? Or is this something that God really did not want me to have or do in the first place? In all of these cases, if we are answering the questions the way God wants, then we ought not to be angry.
This anger ended up costing Esau his brother. He seldom saw him again. And the evidence suggests that after she sent Jacob away, Rebekah never her favorite son again either. All of the are guilty and complicit in grabbing after things which God had already determined would be disposed of in ways he intended. It was when these men and women sought to gain these things by their own power (even when, in Jacob’s case, it was promised him) that a horrible dynamic of anger and murderous rage was sown into that family.
Even when Jacob returned to Canaan, its apparent that he did not have much of a relationship with Esau. There was no basis for trust. It seems Esau wanted to be reconciled, but Jacob was not buying it. He stayed away from Edom ever after that.
What about us? Are we going for things that we have not been promised? Are we trying to seize things in ways which are deceptive? Are we angry about things we have been denied?
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