Monday, May 23, 2016

Falling Squirrels and Feeling a Failure

Its been a while since I posted something. I had an experience this morning which I wrote about for a future sermon illustration. But I thought I should share it here as well.

.

I have really struggled in my life with issues of forgiveness of my self. I beat myself up nearly incessantly for past wrongs I have done, foolishness practiced, habits cultivated, etc. I think you probably know what I am talking about. I do tend to think I might carry this on more than some. I know plenty of people who are able to recognize their errors and faults, confess them to God, and simply move on. Of course we are talking about believers in Christ, who have the ability to do seek such forgiveness. We all know there are Christians and non-Christians who let everything roll off their backs…probably even in unhealthy ways. 

There is a place for the recognition of guilt. When we feel guilty, we should process: is this only a feeling of guilt? Am I actually in a state of having committed an offense? Often, the feeling of guilt attends the reality of guilt. We mustn’t cover up, explain away or mitigate that feeling. But what do we do with it when we have confessed our real guilt? How do we deal with those feelings when we have made things right with God and others, but we still can’t seem to get over the hump? How do we not only extend grace to ourselves, but then also move on?

I must admit, this mystery eludes me. I am not going to go the other way and say that guilty feelings are just inner complexes and need to be ignored or explained away. I don’t want to sear my conscience that way. But I do need to figure out how to move on.

One thing that helps is the little reminders that God gives me. Its almost like a pain pill to help me get through at least this day.

Today, for instance, I was doing my quiet time and praying. Part of that prayer found me praying for myself and past errors, and for others in my circle who have made bad choices; I am praying for their restoration. Then, a sudden movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. Outside my window, across the street, I saw squirrel in the very moment he was falling from a tree. He struck the ground hard enough that I could hear the impact, probably 100 feet away, and outside my closed house. A large dust cloud also rose around the squirrel. To my added surprise, the squirrel was immediately off like a shot toward a nearby tree to resume its arboreal existence.

I was surprised it was able to even move so suddenly after such a fall. At the least it had to have fallen about 30 feet to the ground. That’s about how high it is to the nearest tree limbs and power line. Perhaps it was internally injured, but its legs moved fine. He was off like a shot, with no wallowing on the ground, no wailing in the dust, no sitting to even catch its breath. Just off.

I don’t recall seeing a squirrel fall like that anytime in my recent history; indeed I am not sure I ever have. Yet, here I am, talking to God, and he lets me see this little moment in time. I really do think it was God telling me, “its time to get moving, Mike. Its time to be off to the next thing. Get going about your day, and take the next task I have assigned to you.”


It was helpful to me anyway. I still don’t really care too much for myself; I am not my own best buddy! But things like this remind me that The Most Important One of all, God, likes me enough to die for me, and is aware of my mental situation to send me little moments like this. He forgives me. And even if I can never get past my own flaws, they are not a difficulty for Him.